Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Some Things I Still Remember

Today is the 4 year anniversary of my mom's death. It sucks on so many levels, but it is what it is. Every year I go through the same ritual; I remember the day I signed the papers to take her off of life support. I remember our last visit together. I remember picking out her plot at the cemetery. It's like the memories are part of my physical body. They pop up so vividly it amazes me sometimes. It feels like I'm trapped in a time bubble where I relive the past over and over again. Just hit 'replay'. Don't get me wrong. It wasn't all sadness and grief. We had some fun times grieving. But this year hit me harder than last year. Not sure why.
So I've decided to share some things I remember from her last days.

the stained glass window in her living room

the jewelry I wore as she died in the hospital

the blizzard before the wake

digging out in the snow with my sisters

filling up the car with flowers from Trader Joes to set up at the wake

walking into the viewing room for the first time

the full moon on the night of her wake

picking up mom after cremation

taking mom on a tour; on her front porch with Carla

video chat with my sisters while unwrapping her ashes for the cremation necklaces I made

mom and me (nope, don't remember this but I like it)

Of course, there are a million details that I remember from that time. I'm sure I always least until I become senile *wink*.